Creative Comedy Project
Bridge-building in the Burger King toilet. By Jaskirat Thethy
I’ve entered the Tottenham Court Road Burger King with a group of university friends and headed straight to the toilets. It’s a Friday night and the group are just in the process of having a few snacks before heading onto a new bar. The toilets are very narrow – wide enough for one person. As you come in there is a small wash basin, followed by a urinal and then a cubicle at the end. The state of the toilets are absolutely appalling. There are skid marks in the toilet pan, piss on the seat, which won’t stay up (I prefer pissing in cubicles) and there is no lock on the door. The cubicle door is directly behind me so I’ve got one hand directing my piss and the other hand prepared to stop anyone from pushing the door open.
Someone enters the toilet mumbling unintelligibly. I put my left hand on the door (I’m right handed).
*Unzipping sound followed by noise of a healthy stream of piss hitting the urinal.
I exit the cubicle and see the man pissing while swaying drunkenly. I can’t get past him to the sink so I wait a minute.
Man: Sorry mate.
Me: No worries.
Man: I’ll be finished in a sec… Are you a Sikh?”
Man: I know a lot of *Hic* Sikhs. They’re great guys. Where are you from?
Me: I’ve grown up in the UK.
Man: That’s great. What do you do?
Me: I’m studying a degree in Politics, Philosophy and History…
Man: Oh wow. (He’s finished pissing and now he’s washing his hands) That’s so interesting… and there is so much going in politics at the moment. Everything is just so sad and depressing right now.
Me: Yeah… it’s a bit shit at the moment. But what are you talking about specifically?
(Man balances himself with his arm out against the wall. I can’t pass him)
Man: Well, the Israel-Palestine conflict has just been going on for ages and it doesn’t look like there’s an end in sight, y’know.
Me: That’s kind of the impression I get… but to be honest I couldn’t talk at great length about it because I haven’t followed it closely.
Man: No, it’s really terrible. Honestly. I just want to tell you that I’m a Christian… and ok, I might not go to church every weekend but I’m still a Christian… and I think just how lucky we are to not be as directly involved as the other guys, y’know… the… other guys…
Me: The Jews and Muslims?
Man: Exactly. Look, I just feel really bad for the way things are going for your people right now in Palestine.
Me: My people? I’m not from Palestine…
Man: No, please. I have to tell you this. I’m really sorry on behalf
of everyone for what we’ve done to your people. It’s horrific. Will you accept my apology?
Me: … Of course.
He offers me an awkward hug... I accept. And we exit the toilets.
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