Tell A Tale — Gothic Fiction
My Life in Sir Lanka By piranavie thangasuthan
First of all, please accept my most heartfelt apologies my dear diary for not writing this sooner.
In 30th March 2010, it hadn’t been a good start to the day, because of the suffering that I was experiencing from the war! Before this happened to our country (Sri Lanka), it was as peaceful as summer woods. Until the alarm goes off, in the morning, I lie awake listening to the sound of screaming, bombing and shooting. It was the dreadful world, where many people and children are dying. Many people gave their precious life for their motherland and their family. It was a dark as the shadow of advancing death. I felt the pain, as many people are dying each second. It was a painful and horrifying day. This day was my 10th birthday. 30 minutes after waking up, my mother quickly pulled our hand toward the heaven, but we fell into hell as our parents were captured by the armies. One of the soldiers held the gun near to our dad’s face, as our mom was screamed and shout at the army. Me, my brother and my sister begged the army to let my parents go. But, the army pushed us toward the wall as I saw the great drops fall from my parents’ eyes; the heavy rain clouds in their mind let loose their nature. The army had blood around their uniform and their boots were muddy. They carried guns with them. They also smelled like rotted fish and of sweat. These days the dreadful disgusted dreams of these men haunt me through the night. The ruthless bombs have ravaged this beautiful city, and they are dropped from the fierce enemy and landed a few feet in front of our house. The storm sounded like the screaming of the people. Later, my brother and my sister were alone, isolated, and deserted. Our eyes, full of dismay, disgust and horror let out untamed tears. The wind sang its sad tune from the Hell. I felt scared and horrified by seeing these armies at home. Many things are destroyed! Carefully, we left the house using the back door and on my right hand, I was holding my diary and a pencil. I have gone through every different emotion on the spectrum; shock, grief, and hopelessness.
It’s now or never that me, my brother and my sister leave our house and I let my feelings go. Later that evening, the bodies in the street were little more than bags of flesh and bones, dumped across the cracked road and the car. The egotistical armies knock the doors and take the all young woman with them. Who knows what will happen next? Why were the armies involved in the first place? Carefully, my brother took pictures of these disgusting and nauseating moments: the dead bodies, taking a young woman and splitting up their family like us. We were trembling like leaves, tossed carelessly about in the unfeeling and callous wind.
Well, before I get ahead of myself, let me tell you what happened next as we didn’t know if we were alive or dead. Later that night, we found a shelter to hide from mercenary armies for now! So, we stayed over for a day in the shelter without making any sound. We were trapped like a mouse in a trap, thinking only that there is no chance of escape. Our death stalked the area. Suddenly, I heard the dog howling at the night. It was spooky and scary. The birds are twittering as they fly across the red moon. I can't fight the sun or moon, but I can only watch the sadness as it drags me into a day that I have been dreading for eternity. The attacks began as the sun awoke. I saw self- indulgent armies shooting the people who were Tamil. Is it wrong to be Tamil? I know Tamil is one of the oldest and first languages we all spoke. So, why do they insist an exterminating Tamil people? My blood began to boil up as I seen the precious life taken away from the selfish armies. My brother and my sister couldn’t sleep. So, I tell them a story. It was boring, shallow and dull as night. I felt annoyed about my life having to end like this…! Everyone wants happiness, no one wants pain. But, I asked for rainbow, without a little rain tears.
Do you have any idea what if felt like to lose my people and family? It felt like everything went white. Like everything I’ve ever know didn’t matter anymore. I’ve realised… I can’t live without family; even so, I hate them. Watching people die for our country shows the true measure of heroes is not how they live, but how they die. It’s not what they do in life, but what they did before dying, that proves their worth more than this war. Just by living, people hurt others without even realising it. As long as humanity exists, hate will also exist. There is no peace in this cursed world. War is just a crime paid for the pain of the defeat…
On 3rd April 2010, the egocentrically armies abducted sweeping us like worthless fish into a net. The selfish armies have taken us for children’s prisons where we have to follow these stupid rules: cleaning their uniform, which smelt like a rotten egg, digging holes, doing the things they asked for you and other things… If you do not follow the rules you will die! I, my brother and my sister sent into the dark doom. It was as dark as the shade of night. Eventually, the army locked us in the room leaving us with a water and toilet. I was scared and felt like a dark cloud was enveloping my heart. I’ve been in a black mood all morning. We had to wear disgusting clothes, which were filled with blood and piece of hair. It smelt like a rotten egg. The food was outrageous and the taste in my mouth likes a tin-type factory. The tears swallowed the earth as the water continued to rise higher and higher. I was trapped like the caged bird with a fearful trill of things unknown but longed for still, and this tune is heard on the distant hill the caged bird sings of freedom.
On 4th April 2010, early in the morning, many people including us have to cut our hair to make a rope. After cutting my hair suddenly, I saw my parents again. We were so delighted. The announcement brightened up the whole day for me. I don’t get why they came here? Or how they came here? But, I was contented, and ecstatic. Later this night around 1 am I, my brother, my sister and my parents try to escape from the prison, by climbing the tree and the prison wall. I was carrying my sister on my back. It was very difficult to move around. When we climbed the prison wall my dear treasured sister died as the self- centred army shot her. It felt like a lightning bolt penetrating my chest. My mom cried as if the entire world, and half of her life, had come to an end. While, my dad and my brother cried as our father said, ‘A dull, dark dock, a life-long will be shocked.’ I didn’t understand what he said and why he said this. Do you know why my father said to us? It seems the light had conquered darkness. Quickly, we run and catch the bus. After, catching the bus, we stayed on the top of the bus. I though finally, we got the freedom to fly as the part of the wind.
On 5th April 2010, we wanted to our aunty house that is the nearest place to this city Colombo. I think that the world doesn’t care to hear my sad stories…, as the darkness is needed to see the star.
During this war, I understand religion, ideology, resources, land, split, love or just because… No matter how pathetic the reason, it’ enough to start the war, it will never cease to exist… reasons can be through up after the fact… Human nature pursues strife. We walk through the darkness of this world, that why I can able to see the silver light. Now never let anyone destroy this life of ours. I believe that the day will come when people can truly understand each other. However, as long as the concept of winners exists, there must be losers. The selfish desire of wanting to maintain peace causes war and hatred is born to protect love.
On 10th March 2010, my family decided to go London, UK. Thankfully, we came to the UK on 15th December 2010. After freedom’s sweet kiss, I could never return to Sri Lanka again. I was exultant, felicitous. Life could be heavenly once again. After, I started to detest certain people. This morning had friendly greetings for peaceful sleepers. It was a winter’s day under a deep and dark sky. I am alone from the streets below on a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow. However, on the first day of the school, I wouldn’t speak English and I was so different from everyone else, because really, the difference was down to the colour of my skin. I wondered who founded English as a language. Do you know who founded English? I tried to speak to some students in my classmates within those four words my happiness died again. I felt melancholy, hopeless and heart-breaking day. The school teachers, however, gave me a warm and reassuring reception; with a friendly smile. I think this can be curse was dynamite to me. I have no need for friendship. I know that friendship causes pain. I was a shielded. After, the school finished I went home. I hid in my room, where I found safety within those four walls. No discrimination, no fear and no ridicules.
On 3rd January 2011, I notice people, but still, no one has noticed me for 6 weeks! I had been invisible for 6 weeks. I have been a victim of this type of bullying; I understand how it feels to be completely alone. There can't be anyone else in my whole school going through this type of torment! But, my experience in the school was getting worse: name calling, physical bullying, and racism.
On 4th January 2011, I remember some of my best friends turned against me and I just felt completely worthless and insignificant. Fake friends are like shadows, they follow me in the sun, but leaving me in the dark. I felt really lucky that I have such a great family to help me rise above it. I tried to tell the school teachers but, they never listened. Then, I started to hide my feelings from my parent and when my parents asked me about the school. I told them lies of positive things about the school and told them that I had made a lot of friends in school today, as I beam and then go to my room. My brother was blissfully happy and popular. I wondered how he becomes popular not me! Can you explain why? I was rapturous desperately searching for the answer. How could I become popular and blend into the school as seamlessly as my brother? I had to live for now as I wanted to achieve my dreams. I wonder that my life find a hope as it is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul, and sings the tune without the words, and never stops at all. I also, wondered when my life would get better…..? This pain is something you must hurt in order to know, fall in order to grow, and lose in order to gain. This is because life is greatest lessons are learned through PAIN… Also, the more I realise that reality is just made of pain, suffering, and emptiness as long as I live in this world.
I am sick of crying, as I smile, but inside I am dying. So, these are the final words that I will write in this diary. After, I can able to rest in peace as I go to heaven or hell. Thank you for everything you did to me, my parents, my brother and the world. I will remember all these precious moments… Finally, I will join with my little treasured sister….. If I die don’t cry… Look at the sky and say goodbye. This will make me more happy than sad.
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